I’ve never been a fan of sports games or massively multiplayer online role-playing games. For example, the last sports game before Wii Tennis that even moderately interested me was Mutant League Football.

I could claim that my disdain for sports games stems from a preference to actually participate in the physical act of sport, however, having been born devoid of even trace amounts of dexterity or physical skill, that would be a lie. As for MMORPG’s, I just don’t have the time. Sure, I’ve been tempted to take a look at World of Warcraft, but my backlog of ‘games to play’ has, thus far, convinced me to shy away from any long-term gaming projects that require consistent effort and commitment.

As I pondered these long neglected genres I had a brilliant musing that, if I may humbly suggest, is the single greatest idea for a game and gaming genre ever…the Sports MMO. In this particular instance, baseball.

"'Roid Ragin'"

Like any other MMO, every new game starts with the player designing an online avatar from scratch, customizing their virtual self from a plethora of options, both aesthetic and gameplay-oriented. Next, the player chooses their league, division, position and starting AAA club. From this point on, where the game progresses is up to the individual playing. On its surface, the game would play like any other respectable baseball simulation (I’m looking at you Wii Baseball) with full statistical tracking, playoffs, drafts, etc. However, after the stands fall silent, the stadium lights go dim and the last out is tallied, there lies a vast world of opportunities (along paths of both Light and Darkness), awaiting the curious player.

Will you choose to train hard and work your way up to the status of superstar, where you’ll serve as a role model for the youth of America, both on and off the field? Or will you play it smart, partake of a few all-natural supplements and ride the fast lane to a life of fame, fortune and groupies, all because you can crush 800-foot home runs at will?

Will you choose to be a charitable philanthropist, using your wealth and publicity to further charitable enterprises for the benefit of terminally ill children? Or will you buy a sick ride and pimp out your bachelor pad with the latest and greatest everything, including a serene padded room where you can safely weather your ‘roid rages?

Will you smile with pride as you autograph sports paraphernalia for an adoring fan? Or will you inform the hopeful souvenir-seeker that, due to certain marketing contracts with a popular athletic shoe merchandiser which strictly prohibits you from signing autographs for free...you have to charge them $100.

Will you settle down with a wholesome supermodel and be a hero to your children and millions of young fans everywhere? Or will you rock n’ roll all night and party ev-er-y day, nailing anything with a heartbeat and fathering millions of young fans everywhere?

Suffice to say, there will exist a substantial list of side quests beyond the overarching storyline quests that revolve around earning a spot on a major league roster and winning the World Series.

Those choosing the path of Light can participate in quests such as:

- Visiting terminally ill children to comfort and entertain them, with the proceeds of your appearance going toward further research to find cures for their various ailments.

- Taking up hammer and nail with the likes of Jon Bon Jovi and former President Jimmy Carter to construct homes for the less fortunate with Habitat for Humanity.

As with any MMORPG, thousands of items possessing countless abilities are available to aid Light players on their ultimate quest for the pennant, such as:

Lumber of The Babe (uncursed): One of two Louisville Sluggers forged from flame-tempered wood, said to used by the Great Bambino himself. Modifiers: +.500 Slugging Percentage; -25 Resistance to Alcohol.

Cleats of Ramirez: You won’t be stealing many bases as you lumber around in these heavy shoes, but that doesn’t matter. Any pitch you connect with will earn you a slow trot around the infield; speed is unnecessary when you go yard as often as the wearer of these shoes does. Modifiers: +50 Homerun Swing; -25 Speed; +50 Dreadlock Coolness.

Autographed Baseball Card of Redemption: Troubled youth don’t stand a chance once they see everything you’ve accomplished through hard work and clean living. You even signed it, “To my best friend…” Score! Modifiers: +100 Influence; +50 Parental Approval; -100 Bad Boy Image.

Of course, those who choose the path of Darkness will have their own set of quests, more befitting their selfish nature:

- It’s time to throw down, Derek Jeter has challenged you to a groupie roundup to determine, once and for all, who is the big pimpin’ daddy in the major leagues. Can you coerce more nubile coeds back to your luxury penthouse than ladies' man Jeter before the night is over?

- Testifying before an investigative senate committee on steroid use in professional sports in order to convince them that your left bicep exploded during game six because you were the target of a coordinated terrorist attack. The incident had nothing to do with that all-natural cocktail of human growth hormone and low-grade ferret tranquilizer found in your blood stream.

Just like players following the Light path, those following the path of Darkness will have many mystical items to aid them:

McGwire’s Medallion of Truth: Speak to the media, the public, or auditoriums full of curious senators while wearing this enchanted gold medallion and everything you say, fact or not, will be accepted as the unquestioning truth. More importantly, it’s 'bling baby! Modifiers: +25 Charisma; +50 Marketability; +100 Going Straight to Hell.

Rage of Giambi: An all-natural tonic with an air of mystery surrounding it, said to be conjured by the great sorcerer-alchemist Anderson the Greg himself. Crush mile-long home runs, throw out a runner at home plate from the right field wall or flip over the team bus with your bare hands if you lose a game, your power is limitless. GIAMBI SMASH!!! Modifiers: +.500 Slugging Percentage; +50 Biceps; -100 Testicles.

Lumber of The Babe (cursed): The second of two Louisville Sluggers forged from flame-tempered wood, said to used by the Great Bambino himself. This one carries a price for its power. You’ll knock dingers all over the park with ease, but be forever cursed to walk the Earth as an obese, womanizing alcoholic. Modifiers: +100 Power Swing; +.250 Slugging Percentage; +100 Man-Breasts.

Ubisoft, your troubles are over. Need a guaranteed hit? Drop me a line and I'll give you the next Madden, Grand Theft Auto and World of Warcraft...all rolled into one.