The 15 Rules of Retro Gaming

Yes. That is the Wizard. Did you think Moses was going to hand these down or something?

Put MAME on your computer
MAME (Multi Arcade Machine Emulator) is the ultimate way to play classic games on your computer. I'm not going to hand out ROM file links -- since that's still illegal -- but a little searching will turn up more than you'll be able to play. MAME is compatible with thousands of titles, and runs the original arcade code. In other words, you'll have the 80's arcade experience at home.

Do NOT use Honda's 100 Hand Slap in any version of Street Fighter 2
You're only going to piss people off, and you'll likely lose friends in the process. Chun Li's lightening kick and Blanka's electricity attack are also really annoying. Consider yourself warned.


Always play the original cart on the original system
For many people, the onset of the Virtual Console, Playstation Network and Xbox Live Arcade has allowed for access to retro games from their youth. Yet, no matter how perfect these classics are emulated, they'll never feel the same without the right controller. The Wii classic controller is a good substitute for the Super NES controller, but the Xbox 360 d-pad is awful. And, no matter how perfect the title is emulated, you're going to miss the enjoyment of pushing the cart into the system and turning it on.

Avoid all plug-n-play games
These are all over Walmarts and Targets -- and often don't operate very well. I apologize if your Dad bought you one for Christmas. It was a nice thought though, right? Even though the titles -- like Joust -- are true classics you're not going to enjoy playing them when the image quality is worse than your grandma's 1982 RCA TV and the controls are crap.

Accept the fact that you'll never beat a Ghouls 'n Ghosts title
Pick any of the games in this series -- Ghosts 'n Goblins, Ghouls 'n Ghosts or Super Ghosts 'n Goblins -- and prepare to fail. If you can finish any of these without dying, don't tell your girlfriend or wife. She'll just smile and nod, not realizing that you actually just changed the course of written history.

Play Super Mario Brothers once a year
With modern games getting more complex it's sometimes nice to have some simple fun. The original Super Mario Brothers changed the face of gaming forever. If you ever have a really bad day of online gaming (you know you have), SMB is the perfect change of pace. It's fast, it's simple, it's brilliant and it deserves your undying love.

Do not steal lives without expressed consent!
Contra and Double Dragon are probably the most notable titles that give the ability to "borrow" a life from your buddy when you get a game over screen. It might seem funny at first to press start and steal just one life. But, in reality, you're being an ass -- so stop, ok? If you didn't suck, you'd still be playing.

Own at least one arcade stick
Every retro gamer needs to have at least one true arcade stick in their collection. Whether you prefer the Japanese style ball top or the American style long stick is totally up to you. I highly recommend getting an X-Arcade or equivalent if possible. The X-Arcade is unique since it has adapters for multiple consoles and is specifically designed for MAME.

Don't tell friends you've beaten a game when you're using save states
Emulation is a great way to play a variety of classic games if you don't own the actual cartridge. However, using the save state feature is only a convenience -- and claiming you've beaten Contra III using ZSNES save states is just not cool.

Learn to appreciate sprite artwork
Before the era of the Playstation and N64, every game was built using sprites. Earthbound, Super Metroid and Gunstar Heroes are just a few of the thousands of games that used sprites to create beautiful cinemas and memorable experiences. Black and white movies have their place in cinema, so start appreciating your sprite history today.


Don't let the new Megaman games fool you
The original Megaman and Megaman X series are officially over. In their place, we've got a slew of Megaman Battle Network games and ZX spin offs. No matter what anyone says, they all suck and they're not Megaman games. Don't be tempted.


Always play side scrolling beat-em-ups with a friend
TMNT, Simpsons Arcade, X-Men, Double Dragon and Final Fight are all great games. But, you'll double your fun instantly by having a friend at your side while you button mash.


Treat the Digital Press Online Rarity Guide like the bible
Digital Press is a large forum of retro gamers and collectors, and is home to the Digital Press Online Rarity Guide. You'll have instant access to a database of over 40,000 titles from the original Odyssey right up through the Nintendo DS. It includes a scarcity value that appears next to the dollar value for each game, and it represents a scale of 1 through 10 with 1 being the most common and 10 being the most rare.

Visit local pawn shops and garage sales
Your local Salvation Army gets a ton of junk every week. The odds of them knowing the true value of the games they have on hand is very tiny -- so take advantage. Garage sales can also score you tons of great classic stuff for pennies on the dollar. You just need to force yourself out of bed early on a Saturday morning. That's the tough part.

Don't let modern graphics deter you from playing classics
The Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 have some gorgeous games. But, you're likely to have as much fun -- or even more -- playing a classic title. Don't ever forget that gaming is just about having fun. Great graphics can help shape an experience, but the core gameplay is what makes a true classic.