Congrats Microsoft, you had a great Q4. Between Bioshock, Assasin's Creed, Call of Duty 4, Halo 3 and Mass Effect it appears that everyone and their mom got a Xbox 360 for Christmas. And, with each new 360 comes a free trial to Xbox Live Gold. If Microsoft needed proof that their Live service hit its stride in '07, they need to look no further than the multitude of issues that have brought the service to its knees in the past two weeks.

As I type this post, I'm trying to access Major Nelson's Xbox Live blog that has a continual status update. Apparently things are so bad right now worldwide that Microsoft is also having issues with their servers for the web -- the Major Nelson blog won't even load. Sure seems strange for Microsoft, no? I guess that's what happens when everyone goes on Christmas vacation.

Earlier today, when I was still able to access the site, Major Nelson said Microsoft is entirely aware of the issues and "that things are getting better each hour and that no one on the team is going anywhere until the job is done." Really? They're getting better each hour? Slow sign-times, total disconnects and getting booted from games online isn't what I would call "getting better." Here's the full update:

"You may have noticed that the LIVE service has been having a few issues over the past few days. This includes things like signing in, matchmaking and account recovery. Not everyone has had problems, but I know some of you have and I wanted to give you and update. While the service was never completely offline, problems like this are not acceptable. The entire LIVE team has been working day and night to ensure that you can have a great LIVE experience. While we’re not done yet, I wanted to let you know that things are getting better each hour and that no one on the team is going anywhere until the job is done. Thanks for your patience."

One of the reasons that people enjoy Xbox Live is that it's fast and reliable -- hardly how I would describe the service today -- when millions are home from school and work and want to play. The strangest thing is that Microsoft has to know the extent of Live's server capacity. So, either things were planned poorly for the Q4 Live onslaught, or something else went wrong entirely. Personally, I'm willing to be patient and will not pass final judgment on the service's issues unless they continue to escalate.

I sure hope the research and design group at Nintendo scours the internet as much as we do at the CGC, because this might be the best fan created system redesign ever. However, gaming companies tend to only release system redesigns when sales have slowed. The recent PSP redesign led to a huge Q4 for Sony, and was sold out for a good portion of December in Japan. This is worth nothing because despite the DS's success, Pacific Crest Securities analyst Evan Wilson believes Nintendo has already finished work on its successor.

"Our contacts indicate that a refreshed DS is complete," Wilson said. "It is thinner (it has no GBA port), has on-board storage, and larger screens. However, we do not expect a revamped Wii or DS until sales begin to tail off in all three major geographies."

Taking a quick perusal of Nintendo's portable system history, anyone can tell you they like to do redesigns. So, let's do a quick analysis to see if Mr. Wilson knows what he's talking about or if he is just making stuff up to get press. Frankly, I don't think these analysts have any real inside sources. Rather, they just look at a combination of sales history and system release dates, coming to their own conclusion.

Surely, any new DS will be smaller and have bigger screens. And, by reducing the size, there won't be room for a GBA slot. Wow, I'm a genius! And, since like Mr. Wilson I too have the Internet, we're going to play Nostrodomus. If he can, so can we.

1989: GameBoy Original
1996: GameBoy Pocket
1997: GameBoy Light (Japan only)
1998: GameBoy Color
2001: GameBoy Advance
2003: GameBoy Advance SP
2004: Nintendo DS
2005: GameBoy Micro
2006: Nintendo DS Lite

The Nintendo DS and Nintendo DS Lite have sold 47.27 million units as of June 2007. In Japan, the sales ratio of the Nintendo DS to the Sony PSP is about four or five to one, a figure maintained on a weekly basis. 2007 was the first year since 2003 that Nintendo did not release a refreshed portable system. In the last ten years alone, Nintendo has dropped seven new variants on the public. A constant flow of new systems began with the success of the GameBoy Pocket, and has continued to this day.

So, what does the CGC think? We think predicting a new DS redesign in 2008 seems stupidly obvious. Any freshman in high school could do a quick pattern analysis and tell you that it's around a 70 percent likelihood (given the last ten years) we'll see something new in 2008. And, more than likely, it'll be at E3. Maybe I should get a job at Pacific Crest Securities. Those financial guys make big money and clearly don't have to do a lot of research before releasing statements to the gaming public.

Maybe we'll get lucky, and Nintendo will hire the guy that produced this video. My only fear here is that it has too many moving parts, and Nintendo has shied away from things that fold, flip and slide in one box. Usually, they just choose one of those features. Also, their portable stuff is typically pretty rugged. Kids drop them, dump food on them and treat the screens like garbage. This mock up doesn't look that durable.

Regardless, the CGC is happy to see there are people out there spending countless hours producing these kinds of videos and offering their predictions to the world. They're inventive and fun, and surely give us a taste of what's to come.

Yet, the most notable point here is that Mr. Wilson, the DS Redesign artist and I all agree on one point: Playing Nostradamus is fun.

It's almost been 10 years since Capcom released Street Fighter III: Third Strike. A large part of me had figured the series was dead. After all, how many companies ignore a major piece of intellectual property for that long in the gaming business?

The good news is that the core gameplay has stayed strictly 2D, which is a major win for longtime fans of the franchise. Considering that every fighting game that has garnered decent sales in the last 10 years has been in 3D, fans should really stop complaining now. It's amazing the development group even got this approved by the suits at Capcom.

The amount of message boards that are filled with hate towards the character design and artwork in Street Fighter 4 bewilders me. How can we even complain? We're getting SF4 and it's in 2D. Weren't those the two major things we asked for in the first place? I'd agree the characters in still shots look slightly off, but the game is over a year from release. Surely this type of reaction isn't going to encourage MORE videos in the near future, and that's unfortunate.

Watching the video is enough to sell me on it at this point. Whether you like the artwork or not, the gameplay is clearly 100% Street Fighter. And isn't that what really counts? Here's to the countdown to the revival of one of the biggest franchises in gaming. Personally, it can't come soon enough.

The spotlight is on the video game industry once again; as yet another instance of real life violence is blamed on a violent video game, specifically the controversial 1992 game, Mortal Kombat. Wait a minute, it's 2007! With all due respect and (yes, I'm aware) in spite of the numerous violent sequels spawned by this initial entry to the eternal damnation-wielding franchise (including the 2006 release, Mortal Kombat: Armageddon) I can't help but wonder: why are people still obsessed with playing the MK blame game? Even if it is a nice change of pace from the GTA blame game. I've had some time to think about this senseless act of violence since the story broke over a week ago, and I've discovered something interesting.

First and foremost, I feel compelled to point out that I am not making light of this situation. The real tragedy here is not the besmirching of Midway's landmark franchise, but the senseless death of an innocent little girl. However, in the struggle to comprehend how such an act could occur, society needs a scapegoat. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism, I don't know. However, I'll get back on target before I bore precious CGC reader(s) with my ignorant psychological observations. After all, there's no definitive rulebook for dealing with tragedies such as this. I will, however, make the argument that placing the blame on a video game does nothing to aid the healing process. Let's examine.

Heather Trujillo, older sister of Zoe, the 7-year-old victim, claimed that the incident resulted from her alleged accomplice and boyfriend, Lamar Roberts, "acting out the video game Mortal Combat [sic]". Pardon me if I unflinchingly call their bluff, but Mortal Kombat is not a catalyst, it's an excuse.

A game cannot force or coerce an individual or individuals to perform an action. I've been an avid gamer my entire life and I have yet to play a game capable of exerting its omniscient will upon me such that it circumvents my own free will (although I am wary of Electronic Art's upcoming epic, Circumvention of Will: We Make You Do Evil Things You Don't Want To Do***). Mortal Kombat is an easy scapegoat simply because it has been in the past. Trujillo could just have easily claimed they were acting out scenes from the novel (yes it was a book first) Fight Club. The only reason the alleged assailants didn't? I'm guessing reading isn't high on their list of extra-curricular activities. Smarmy comments aside, I sincerely doubt that the headlines would have read "7-Year-Old Murdered in Fight Club-Inspired Beating."

Hell, why didn't they just blame Osama Bin Laden? At least they'd be following an original precedent.

I also feel compelled to point out that, despite Roberts' claim that the reason he didn't stop hitting Zoe when Trujillo asked him to was because he, "was drunk," I didn't see any headlines claiming that an underage alcohol-fueled bender caused this senseless death. Why? Because it's a ludicrous claim. Alcohol removes inhibitions and limits (or completely eliminates) the consideration of consequences. However, like a video game, it is incapable of forcing a person to perform a specific action, good or bad.

Just like in art, literature or film, violence in video games is a reflection of our society. You can't blame video games for polluting the purity of America's youth with violence because violence is already inherent. Maybe I'm just a gamer-lobbyist viewing the world through rose colored glasses, but then again, I don't see anyone blaming military conflict around the world on Call of Duty or Medal of Honor.

Going a step further, and at the risk of unrelated pontification, for all the bad press that the Grand Theft Auto franchise has received in the past for inspiring violent shootings, I can't help but wonder why no one ever blames the game for automobile theft.

I'm certainly not claiming to be one of the greatest philosophical minds of the 21st century (although I could certainly school a few prehistoric neophytes with my expansive knowledge on fire and how to steal it from the next village). This much I know:

People judge what they don't understand; people don't understand what they refuse to learn; people refuse to learn because they're taught to fear.

__________
*** For the incredibly dense, let me be clear: THIS IS NOT A REAL GAME.

Ah Rockstar, look at the wrath you've brought (we're still cool though, I promise). Responding to a questionnaire from the watchdog group Common Sense Media, Hillary Clinton has revealed that she still sees the Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas affair as a victory for children across the country. But who is this victory really for? Is it for the children, or rather for the political pundits like Clinton that need "easy" moral issues for the upcoming election?

"When I am President, I will work to protect children from inappropriate video game content," she told CSM.

Oh, stop the presses! Run BIG headlines on CNN, Fox News and MSNBC. Hillary Clinton has made it clear America, she's for the children. And if you're FOR children, we have to like you. After all, no legitimate candidate can not claim to do things for the children. Even the North and South agree, children are good.

And, since video games are an inherent evil within our society (like radio, television and rock 'n roll before), the potential leader of the free world needs to comment about her ability to protect children from corrupt companies looking to profit off of minors. Sounds a little like someone else that I remember in the White House from not that long ago.

Who am I thinking of? Oh ya...good ol' Tipper Gore. For those that don't remember her coma-inducing thriller, "From Raising PG Kids in an X-Rated Society," I'll give you a quick summation from the wife of the man that invented the Internet.

"Like many parents of my generation, I grew up listening to rock music and loving it, watching television and being entertained by it. I still enjoy both. But something has happened since the days of "Twist and Shout" and "I Love Lucy."

This is a book about the kinds of violent and explicit messages our children are receiving through the media and what we as parents can do about it.

I decided to get involved because I began to see the kinds of record lyrics that my children were being exposed to. It shocked me and made me angry. I started looking deeper into the problem, and became even more concerned.

A small but immensely successful minority of performers have pioneered the "porn rock" phenomenon. A Judas Priest song about oral sex at gunpoint sold two million copies. So did Mötley Crüe's album Shout at the Devil, with lyrics like: "Not a woman, but a whore/I can taste the hate/Well, now I'm killing you/Watch your face turning blue." Sheena Easton's "Sugar Walls," about female sexual arousal, was an even bigger hit on Top 40 radio stations. And Prince peddled more than ten million copies of Purple Rain, which included a song about a young girl masturbating in a hotel lobby.

But in virtually every medium, the communications industry offers increasingly explicit images of sex and violence to younger and younger children. In the course of my work, I've encountered a degree of callousness toward children that I never imagined existed. No one asks what is in the product or its effect on kids, only how well it will sell."

Hilary seems to be taking a page right out of of Tipper's book, and trying to play the conservative and concerned parent. It seems like a safe issue for most voters. I'm not going to argue entirely against her moral judgements, as everyone is entitled to their opinion. Rather, in this specific instance, I'll just come out and state:

The CGC is for the children. But, (and here's the awkwardly logical part, sorry Hillary)...we're for smart and informed parents that understand the best ratings system in the entire entertainment industry. Haven't we been over this a thousand times? It sure feels like we have. And, since the CGC hates beating dead horses, we're going to avoid talking about the ESRB any futher.

Yet, it can't be ignored that we've now fully entered a modern and oddly American stigma: Violence in all forms is socially acceptable, but sex is not. Many argue this is a result of how the country was founded, yada yada yada. However, I just don't care about that anymore. We're 7 days from 2008, and the majority of adults continually chose to accept violence and shun sexuality.

Are we just that embarrassed to talk about sex with our kids? Apparently so, as violent movies, violent cartoons, violent games and violent toys have been tolerated for generations. Thongs just got mainstream populariy in the last ten years (about damn time). We Americans love our guns, but we apparently aren't into loving each other. Kind of sick, isn't it? After all, how many times have you heard doctors give advice on "How to talk about sex with your children." Yet, school shootings continue and we don't hear cries for "How to talk about violence with your children," do we?

The concern of rising violence is never a topic that is addressed socially as a critical "must have conversation" for parents and their children. But why not? Maybe it's just overaly accepted that sane adults believe an anti-violence message is being permeated through most American homes. Children are taught in school at a young age that violence is bad, and are appropriately punished when they break the rules. But is this working? There seems to be a double standard at work here.

We've drawn a clear line in our society that states violence is common and accepted (but bad, very bad) while all sex is absolutely taboo and requires secret conversations with tips from professionals that you got while watching Oprah while your kids were at day care. In other words, sex is WORSE than violence. How many parents do you know that except all "M" rated games as long as "there isn't any sex in there." I've heard that one all too often. Try reminding them that:

Movies have sex and violence. LOTS of it.
Music has sex and violence. LOTS of it.
Television has sex and violence. LOTS of it.
Games have violence. LOTS of it. But almost no sex.

If you want to know when video games as a medium have truly matured, look no further. The first game to include genuine, content appropriate sex (sorry Mass Effect, no alien love yet) that is socially acceted will be break new ground for the industry. It will mark a full maturation of the medium, and ideally become less of a hot-button political issue.

Politicians are smart. They know that sex in games is still shunned by the vast majority of Americans. And, until that perspective shifts, we shouldn't expect anything to change. But, I'll sit and wait patiently, since I know we'll have our day in the sun. There will always be a Tipper Gore, a Hilary Clinton. And, there will always be children. We all love the children.

The bigger question is will video games always be treated like the bastard stepchild of the entertainment industry? The good news is not only is it unlikely, but it is a near impossibility.

After all, one day the President of the United States will have grown up playing Grand Theft Auto. I'd recommend you start warming your parents up to the idea now.

It's an inevitability.

Happy Holidays Chicago and the rest of the world that cares about anything remotely American. Even though I'm fairly certain you've probably seen the infamous N64 kid by now, I wanted to bring him back for a brief moment to reflect on not just video games, but the importance of holiday memories in general.

Many of us play video games not because we're nerds (yes, really) and not because we're addicted (I'm not, I swear), but rather because they have a definitive connection to our youth. On this holiday season, regardless of what gaming related goodness you might receive, remember for a moment why you first got into games and why they're still with you to this day.

I was lucky enough to get my first Nintendo for Hanukkah in 1987. My parents had initially gotten me an Atari 2600, which I played for under a month. For those that don't remember, finding an NES during '86 and '87 was like finding a Wii today - damn near impossible. I complained so much for the first three weeks of owning the 2600 that my parents agreed to return it. I guess it would be like getting an Xbox 360 tomorrow when you really want a Wii. Anyways, it wasn't what I really wanted, and Pole Position just couldn't substitute for Super Mario Brothers. I was right on that of course and my parents amazingly obliged.

Not only did my Mom and Dad promptly return the 2600 to Sears, but they were totally cool with helping me track down what I really wanted -- my first Nintendo. The exact details are hazy to this day (it has been over 20 years now) but they did eventually find the NES at Montgomery Wards. Do you guys remember Monkey Wards? Talk about a great department store in the 80's. And, believe it or not, I remember the EXACT counter in the electronics section where I picked out the games with my father to this very day, no lie. I actually had the wherewithal to chose The Legend of Zelda and Ice Hockey to go with the best pack-in game of all time (Super Mario Brothers).

I vividly remember playing that entire Christmas break, and constantly being torn away to eat, sleep and occasionally smile for visiting family members. Without a question, those happy memories are why I'm still a gamer to this day. I can almost recall every single moment of gaming from my childhood and connect them to happy memories with my family. In large part, I'm sure that's why I'm such a hardcore gamer to this day.

So, upon tearing off the wrapping paper that is covering that copy of Mario Galaxy or Call of Duty 4, remember that it's the memories that really count. Just like the N64 kid, the best ones will be with you for a lifetime.

It is with very little self control that we continually go to Target. Since my college days, Target has been the simple answer to the age old question, "What do you want to do today?" Sometimes you legitimately do need something, and sometimes you just want to get the hell out of the house. Regardless, you're typically assured some lame entertainment with a Target visit. Fighting between the things you actually need and actually want is a game unto itself, and has become ritual during our weekly trip.

Unlike Wal-mart, Target has begun to stock clothes I wouldn't be personally embarrassed to wear outside of my house while cleaning the basement. In fact, they've begun to get men's clothes that are pretty decent. Their gaming inspired clothing line has expanded greatly in the past few months and now has some variety - so I always check it out. So imagine my reaction when I saw this shirt on display and realized they were totally sold out.

Initial reaction: DAMN. I woulda bought that shirt.
Seconday reaction: I wonder where I can find that shirt?
Tertiary reaction: I want that shirt? Since when does Mario promote drinking, even in pun form? Yes, I still want the shirt.

But, at some point, even I draw the line (and that really says something about this). And, as gamers, we know Nintendo has consistently drawn a very solid line for being a parent friendly company. Has it pissed me off in my time as a gamer? Unquestionably. The Super Nintendo version of Mortal Kombat was gimped, and I chose the Genesis copy due to one important addition: blood. Sega did what Nintendont (no, I couldn't help myself). It was a big deal at the time, and Nintendo ate dust at the box office on that particular title.

Roll forward until 2007...

And it appears that Nintendo's marketing department has either laxed significantly or just missed the boat entirely. Everyone knows many games on Nintendo systems have gone on to include violence since Mortal Kombat. The game violence deal has become a moot issue in large part. However, we've never seen a Nintendo franchise character put in such a dubious position. Mario with a gun? Forget it. Donkey Kong snorting bananas? Of course not. The Princess pimping her wares? Hell no. Bowser on the booze? Inconceivable.

And that my dear friends is what makes this t-shirt so peculiar. I know that Nintendo doesn't make these themselves (they license the characters and names), but don't they have final approval? I can't imagine Nintendo ever thinking this is the message they want to send to the public. They've worked extremely hard over the past 20 years to create, protect and defend their image. Their online gaming decisions for the Wii (friends codes only and lack of a headset) further enforce their clear concern for being family friendly.

They've always played it safe, and it's worked wonderfully for them. But now they want me to get hammered? Not like I need encouragement there, but I thought that was Rockstar North's territory. Something tells me someone at Nintendo missed the ball -- err, hammer -- and is going to get hammered themselves. Right out the back door.

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom recently announced a proposal to apply a "yet-to-be-defined surcharge on all drinks with high-fructose corn syrup." Astonishingly, the American Beverage Association ("ABA") is up in arms over the proposal...and fingering video games as the true culprit.

Kevin Keane, a soda-swilling senior vice president of the ABA stated in response to Mayor Newsom's proposal that, "[i]t makes no sense to single out any one single cause of obesity, which is a complex problem," after which he promptly singled out video games as the true mastermind behind the childhood obesity epidemic. Keane suggested that if Mayor Newsom really wanted to combat the childhood obesity dilemma, he should take on the video game industry which renders children slack-jawed and sedentary when they could "be outside burning calories."*** After which they should kick back, relax and rejuvenate themselves with a cold diet soda, am I right?

Besides, the myth that video games perpetuate a flabby physique is just that, a myth. I'm an avid video game player and, contrary to Mr. Keane's assertions, I am a model of physical fitness who exercises regularly. For example, because I spend so much time playing shmups, my thumbs are freaking ripped.

If I may, I would like to advance an additional theory on this topic. Maybe, just maybe, children are playing video games to excess because their sleep cycles have been thrown into chaos as a direct result of all the caffeine in their systems...from ingesting too much soda. All things considered, I do agree with Mr. Keane in his assertion that childhood obesity is a "complex problem" resulting from a multitude of factors. As such and in furtherance of the truth, the Chicago Gamers Club would like to offer the following list of [non-video game related] factors that may contribute to childhood obesity:

1. Coke.

2. Pepsi.

3. Dr. Pepper.

4. Mountain Dew.

5. Diet Coke.

6. Diet Pepsi.

7. Diet Dr. Pepper.

8. Diet Mountain Dew.

9. Any beverage bearing the likeness of a Disney, Dreamworks, Pixar, Nickelodean (or other) animated character or that uses the term "Extreme" or any variant (i.e., X-treme, etc.) in its marketing campaign.

10. Any beverage not derived from natural sources (i.e., blueberries, etc.) that is blue.

***[Note]: To date, I have been unable to track down the full text of Mr. Keane's response on behalf of the ABA online. If anyone can provide me with a link, it would be greatly appreciated.

I'm as green as the next guy. I recycle, I use compact fluorescent light bulbs, I drive a fuel efficient hatchback, I use public transportation to get to/from work, and I have unkempt facial hair. So when I read today that Greenpeace gave Nintendo a zero rating in its Guide to Greener Electronics the first thing I did was pull up a copy of the report online. What I discovered was shocking...

I'll be honest, Nintendo and I have history. Sure, it's been a rocky relationship over the years, but we've been through thick (SNES) and thin (Virtual Boy) together. To hear that my beloved Nintendo might be run by seal-clubbing bastards shook me to my very core. There's just one problem. As I delved deeper into Greenpeace's extensive four (4) page magnum opus on Nintendo's environmental faux pas, I was stunned at the complete and total lack of information. In fact, two (2) of the four (4) pages in the report (fifty percent for the math impaired) are composed solely of charts which, for all intents and purposes, contain the exact same information. Please note, I use the term "information" loosely.

Nintendo received a "bad" rating in four (4) of the nine (9) categories because, as the relentlessly efficient researchers at Greenpeace revealed, there was "No Information" available. Let that digest for a moment. Greenpeace released an evaluation of Nintendo's environmental policies, but was unable to obtain information on approximately 45 percent of the criteria by which it judged the company. Even the CIA doesn't miss that much information. The other five categories received "bad" ratings based upon Nintendo's extensive environmental polices, which are available online here. Wait! That's not Nintendo's corporate environmental policies! That's a painfully generic corporate FAQ that answers softball questions the likes of which any Wikipedia urchin could answer.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and it smells a lot like Patchouli.

I'm all for exposing the seething underbelly of evil corporate empires, but that requires actual research. At this point, the only thing Nintendo is guilty of is not posting their internal corporate policies, in their entirety, in a publicly accessible forum. Maybe I'm being too harsh with Greenpeace, but I like my reports to be well researched documents aimed at the discovery and interpretation of facts. Then, just because I'm demanding, I expect a conclusion to be extrapolated from those facts. Call me a jackass, but that's just how I roll.

In an attempt to keep this objective (or just play devil's advocate, as I am prone to do), it's entirely possible that Nintendo is secretly planning a guerrilla marketing campaign to increase consumer awareness of Super Mario Galaxy by stomping the world's turtle population into extinction. It's also likely that somewhere in the Nevada desert, 1,000,000 buried Power Gloves are a significant source of groundwater contamination for the United States. I honestly don't know. However, until I see proof of these alleged indiscretions I'm forced to assume that this hard hitting report is nothing more than the inane ramblings of a bunch of environmental fanboys. Man I hate fanboys.

I affectionately coined the term "video game ADD" a few months back when I realized I just couldn’t finish anything I played. I’m not referring to children that bounce off walls nor am I going to lambaste gaming as a source of society’s ills. I’ll leave those happy topics to the media and our politicians. Rather, I’m talking about true, hardcore gamer ADD. 2007 has brought out the instant gratification whore in me like none other. I have a good full time job though, so I’m not killing myself financially. So why do I feel like I’m suffering from a disease when I know I’m actually not?

Video games for me aren’t really addicting in their actual playable form. This might sound weird to some that have found weeks pass playing Final Fantasy or World of Warcraft. I love playing games, don’t get me wrong. But I’ve never been so hooked on a singular title that my free time gets vacuumed away into oblivion. More so, I’ve often found the initial 10-15 hours of most titles to be enough to keep me satisfied. After that I’ll say sayonara unless it’s truly something special. And for me, that’s a super rare occurrence.

My average playing time has dwindled to less than 10 hours a week since becoming a full fledged married and working adult. But my overall interest in the hobby and the world that surrounds the gaming biz has never been stronger. In fact, I’d say my interest in games has only grown since getting out of the industry. And, I still continue to insist on owning all three consoles because the CGC slogan actually is my mantra:

Allegiance to Good Games.

Who has the time for bad games anyway? The only way I’ve found it possible to guarantee that I only play good games is to own all three consoles. I may live in a small Chicago apartment, but I’ll be damned if I don’t have my priorities straight on the video game front. If it’s hot, I own it – and usually on launch day. Wait a minute…what did I just say?

I can’t even play most of what I own. Beyond the three new consoles, I have a giant backlog of unplayed or unfinished games from the 8-bit, 16-bit, 32-bit, 64-bit and 128-bit era. How does this even make sense? Shouldn’t I have enough willpower to finish what I start? Well, apparently not, since I’ve self-diagnosed myself with gaming ADD.

As a true addict, I’ll even explain how the “disease” has perks. I’ve personally played 99% of the AAA titles that have been released in the past 10 years. In fact, I’ve finished some of them, including God of War, Resident Evil 4 and both Metal Gear Solid 2 and 3. I’ve got credible opinions on just about every major title. After all, I own them all. They’re just buried underneath a mound of strategy guides and NES carts. That is…I think they probably are.

There are a lot of unfinished games on my shelves. I’m not proud to admit I’ve never completed Psychonauts or Final Fantasy XII. I also just can’t get my shit together and pound out the end of Crackdown, Motorstorm, Paper Mario, Assasin’s Creed, Metroid Prime 3 or the Orange Box. For those that have checked, this is why my gamer score is still below 4k. I can’t finish jack squat and I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve had my 360 since launch day.

So why am I like this? Honestly, I think it’s a combination of loving new games in plastic and the massive hype train that surrounds launches. I like to think I'm immune to advertising, but my purchasing habits say otherwise. It doesn’t matter if I’m just about to finally hit a major plot point in Mass Effect if Uncharted is still sitting in its cellophane wrapper. Damn you shiny plastic. I just have a carnal desire to remove that glossy coating, slide the disc in my system of choice and enjoy the rush of entering an entirely new world. There is just nothing like it.

Well, until the next one that is.

Video games come in one of two flavors. A game will either (1) take you by the hand and start you with a nice tutorial before ramping up the difficulty in the later levels or (2) take you by the hand, crush your effeminate phalanges, twist your arm, punch you in the face, take your lunch money, get your girlfriend pregnant and call your mom fat. Of these two philosophies, Contra subscribes to the latter. Nay, it embodies it.

My first experience with Contra occurred in 1988 at the age of nine. I went to my cousin’s house because he wanted to show me his new Nintendo game, which he described simply as, “awesome.” Since the Internet was still in its infancy, we were both ignorant of the infamous Konami code and had a meager three lives each to tackle this enigma known only as Contra. Two significant things occurred that momentous day: (1) I did not survive the first level and (2) I was hooked.

I was further intrigued when the second level began and the gameplay changed as my cousin entered one of the infamous tunnel levels, which he referred to as “Basil” (Base1, get it?). Though my cousin and I disagreed whether a stronghold of the villainous Red Falcon would have a (misspelled) spice as its namesake, we were both blown away. Quite literally, in fact.

Throughout the series’ venerable history, there remains one constant: unrelenting difficulty. Rather than pulling punches, the series became known for kicking a player when they were down—repeatedly—and only in soft places. So why was it so fun to get your ass handed to you by an 8-bit cartridge when you should have been outside playing kickball? Simply put, the game was tough, but fair. With practice, the once insurmountable legions of Red Falcon’s alien army became mere cannon fodder as you dipped, dodged, ducked, dived and dodged your way to the very heart (literally) of its empire, and then shot the ever-living hell out of said heart. In my prime, I recall resetting the game and starting over if I died just once anywhere in the first three levels.

Twenty YEARS after handing my ass to me on a silver platter, the fourth numbered installment to the official Contra timeline arrives on the Nintendo DS and you know what? I’m a little kid again. Contra 4 is a superb return to form that simultaneously pays homage to the original while throwing players a few curve balls along the way. Needless to say, a few of these curve balls will hit you, most likely in the face. But that’s the fun of Contra. Sure, you get bloodied and bruised along the way, but you love every minute of the sadistic journey. Add in a museum tour of the entire franchise history, challenge levels and the ability to unlock full versions of classic Contra titles and what you hold in your hand is a little piece of ass kicking heaven. Handle it with care though, it bites.

My full review is coming soon, be sure to watch for it. The term “soon” may be a bit too optimistic, however, since, in order to obey my personal policy of not reviewing a game until I’ve beaten it, I have to finish Contra 4 on at least normal difficulty before publishing my complete analysis. While I could technically base my final evaluation on my experience playing the easiest difficulty level (which I’ve now completed) I’m left with two problems should I choose to follow this path. First, in true Contra-style, playing on the easiest difficulty level does not allow access to the last two levels, so I haven't really completed the game. Second, and more importantly, it makes me a big fat sappy pansy who, in order to save face, will be forced to mail my testicles along with a written apology to Konami. But hey, that’s what Contra is all about: unadulterated, unflinching, frantic, testosterone-fueled action.

Contra has survived for twenty years because it is a series comfortable in its own patriarchal skin. What can I say; it possesses an anything-but-benign confidence that stems from two decades of extraterrestrial eviscerating action. It’s a series that (the mild abortion that was Neo Contra aside) knows what it is and embraces it with guns blazing—hell, sometimes two. Far and away the series' greatest achievement is its complete and total commitment to absurd action—it’s definitely not Shakespeare but, then again, when was the last time you saw the bard taking down a robotic mutant all while clinging precariously to the side of a recently launched surface to surface missile?

Problem: Vicious aliens under the leadership of Black Viper invade Earth [again].

Solution: Send a group of [shirtless] warriors in to kick some ass [no more than two at a time though…also, good weapons are heavy, so they’ll have to pick up better equipment along the way].

Probable Outcome: In a stunning display of courage and skill and against all odds, these brave warriors succeed and Earth is saved [or Black Viper’s legions overwhelm and devour our heroes, but at least we get the opportunity to watch them go out in a bandanna-clad 80’s blaze of glory].

Analysis: Freaking genius.

When DJ and I saw the Transformers Movie in the theater this past summer, our overall reaction was positive. Keeping Peter Cullen as Optimus was key, and the overall vibe just oozed Generation 1. Whether you're in the camp that enjoyed the movie or not though isn't the question. If there is one thing that even my parents could answer, it's this simple question:

What are the Transformers? They're robots, of course. We all know they're robots. They're monstrous talking car/plane transforming 80's Japanese icons that are in the constant hunt for energon cubes. And I bought a shitload of them as a kid. Or rather, my parents did. Regardless, I liked them because they were robots. Giant robots were cool then, and are cool now. Who wouldn't want to be a giant robot that turned into a Mack truck? And don't you love the word energon? Doesn't it just roll off your tongue? Enneerrgon. But, I'll repeat again. At their core, Transfomers...

LOOK and ACT LIKE ROBOTS because they're robots. From Generation 1 to Beast Wars the Transformers have always been machines. Their visualizations through the years have clearly reflected this. Until now.

Watch the trailer above for the new Cartoon Network Transformers Animated series that is hitting in '08. This is partially inspired by the Transformers Movie, and has gone with the animated lips deal (eh). That, by itself though, couldn't ruin this show. After all, I accepted it in the theater.

But those aren't Transformers in this clip, are they? Those are Samurai Jack inspired cheap ass produced animations that look nothing like robots. The voice work and story may still be cool. I'll leave that judgement out to pasture until I can watch more than three minutes. But will I even bother watching more if they don't go and include robots? I'd say they look more like generic superheroes and villains from the Justice League cartoon. Not cool. Not cool at all.

I get no sense of their giant metallic and hulking exteriors -- they very essence of the Transformers mythos. All I get is a feeling that this was made fast, cheap and with too much corporate boardroom input. Less than meets the eye for sure.

Corporate morality, generally speaking, takes a backseat to good old-fashioned profit. Even if profits are high, any smart business owner continues to ask, “How can we increase profitability?” Honestly, can you imagine the resultant uproar if a CEO ever had the audacity to state to their shareholders, “You know what, we’ve had a good year with record profits and we could probably increase profitability tenfold by this time next year, but I don’t think we should be greedy”? Actually, they already have a term to describe these pious executives: unemployed. Is the foundation of every successful corporation insatiable greed? Of course not, but common sense will tell you that you can’t retire on good intentions either. If it’s possible to aggressively grow your business and unapologetically increase profits, you’re obligated to do so. Right?

Not necessarily. There is another school of thought, one which you don’t see too often. However, when you do, it’s an amazing spectacle, solely because of its rarity. Nintendo is temporarily pulling ads for its mega-successful Wii console and replacing them with ads for its handheld counterpart, the Nintendo DS. Why you ask? Because, despite the fact that the company is producing 1.8 million units a month, it still cannot meet consumer demand for the Wii. Nintendo sits at the very pinnacle of financial success, and yet, they’re concerned with “tak[ing] a responsible stand this Christmas season and not fuel[ing] demand.” Between the wild success of the Nintendo DS and unprecedented demand for the Wii, Nintendo is basically printing its own currency. Shouldn’t they collectively be milking the cash cow thrice daily, whipping consumers into a maniacal frenzy and swimming in money-filled pits the likes of which rival Scrooge McDuck’s?

Apparently not. While my use of the term 'corporate morality' is (admittedly) a bit overstated, Nintendo is demonstrating what so many businesses these days do not. Namely, scruples. Now before you roll your eyes at me, I’m not claiming it’s a corporate [Christmas] miracle. Nor am I suggesting that Satoru Iwata, President and CEO of Nintendo Co., Ltd. be canonized as a living saint. I’m simply stating that, in light of the Enrons of the world, this is a pleasant breath of fresh air.

More subtle than the projection of corporate responsibility though (which serves as a good public relations move in light of the recent criticism that Nintendo may be manufacturing the Wii shortage themselves to drum up demand), is the underlying intelligence in this decision from a business standpoint. The Wii is the must-have item of the 2007 holiday season. Consumers aren't on the fence trying to decide if they should purchase a Wii, they're actively seeking a retailer that has one to sell and aggressively pursuing all Wii leads using tactics that would make King Leonidas proud. All things considered, advertising at this point is a waste of money.

Kudos to Nintendo for not only recognizing this fact, but acting upon it.

Watch this speed run with pure, unadulturated amazement. Being able to speed run Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts is to video game players as climbing Mount Everest is to thrill seekers. This game will eat you alive - starting with the very first level.

There is a great thread that started today on NeoGAF titled " What's the most difficult game you've played in your whole life?". I mentioned Super Ghouls n' Ghosts, proclaiming its uncanny ability to own my ass for the last 15 years. Half of the thread agrees with me. On the Internet. In a gaming forum. People actually agreed with each other. It's just that accepted across gaming circles.

But why? It sure isn't designed poorly, like a lot of games mentioned in that discussion. In fact, I'd argue it's totally fair the entire way through. I had a close friend in college who was the best gamer I've had the privilege to be friends with beat Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts before my very eyes. His ability to memorize patterns and twitch jump was uncanny. I'll never forget it, ever. It was that incredible.

So why is it so hard you ask?

-You can't control your jump
-You run into powerups you don't want
-The bad wizard is ALWAYS in the chest I choose. always.
-The first major boss will destroy you.

What is the hardest game you guys have ever played? This takes the cake for me, hands down.

Whether you already have a Nintendo Wii or not, you undoubtedly have heard the question from someone. “Do you know where I can get a Wii?” The question is usually followed up by a “I’ve looked everywhere and don’t know what to do. I’ve called everyone.”

This is an all too familiar story that will be told amongst friends, co-workers and family this holiday. However, it doesn’t have to end in frustration and utter disappointment for grandpa who just can't wait to go Wii bowling. And, if you’re celebrating Hanukkah, you have even less time (it’s happening now for the uninformed). Rather, there is an easier way to find a Wii in Chicago by the end of this year. And, as a x-District Manager for EB Games in Chicago, I can promise you this is going to be your best shot. That is, unless you have a personal preference for getting ripped off on ebay.

Hit the jump for a simple 3-step guide to finding a Wii in Chicago and become everyone’s immediate best friend.

--->Step 1<---
Target 3 Stores Maximum

We have a general sense with everything that more is always better. Most people call a lot of stores, hoping to increase their chances. After all, calling more stores seems to be the simplest way to increase your chances of finding a Wii, right? The answer is actually no. By playing the phone game, and calling around to every Best Buy, Circuit City, Target, Wal-Mart and GameStop in Chicago, you're only diluting your potential pool of relationships that you can build in a short period of time. We’ll get more into that in Step 2.

I’ll also make it clear now: the phone can be your best friend, or your worst enemy. Calling “big-box” retail stores like Wal-Mart is often a total waste of time. Sales associates in large electronics departments are swamped with inventory they need to reconcile, and receive hundreds of “do you have any Wii systems?” phone calls daily. They’re going to care very little about your personal needs as they stare at a line of customers and hundreds of unprocessed boxes. Even if they have Wiis sitting right there, they’re likely not going to tell you they do. It’s the sad truth when the demand is so high. So, if you’re going to go the big box route, you must actually visit the stores you’ve targeted.

Choose three stores maximum, and preferably in close proximity to each other. Since you’re going to be visiting these three stores often, you’ll want them to be close and convenient. As of today, the best combination for finding a Wii would be two GameStop/EB Games stores and one big box of your choice. GamesStop/EB Games stores receive a comparable number of Wiis to big-box retail. They also have significantly smaller staffs, and will be more forthcoming once you become familiar. This is why we recommend making them a priority. What does familiarity buy you? Honest phone calls and insider knowledge.

--->Step 2<---
Familiarity: Befriend Your Local Store Managers and Assistants

First off, you’re going to need to schmooze – a lot. Not everyone can do this. Some are naturally gifted in their schmoozing ability, while others just don’t have the instinct. So, if you don’t think you have the ability to shoot the shit with people you don’t really know (and probably don’t care about), you might want to find a partner for your Wii hunt that is a schmooze master. You can buy him a cookie and a soda at Mrs. Fields as a thanks.

By focusing on a few stores, you’ll have better odds to get to know the staff. It’s going to be totally acceptable to just walk in and ask, “do you have Wiis?” However, when you’re told no, don’t just head out the door. You need to hang out and start schmoozing. Here are some good questions to ask while you check out the store:

* What’s good on the Wii?
* Do you personally own a Wii?
* Do you like the Wii
* Why do you think the Wii is so popular?
* What accessories will I need for my Wii that you recommend?
* How can I get the Wii online?

Establishing a repoire with the staff through questions and trust of their opinions will let them know you’re serious about buying. Even if you know the answers, it is important you become familiar through regular conversation. Make the Wii the focal point of all conversation. Proving you’re serious, and that you trust the store staff, is a sure-fire way to create immediate trust.

So what does that trust get you? Many regular, hardcore gamers already know their managers and assistant managers at local game stores. These types of relationships and repeat visits create trust, netting you freebies (like demos), insider knowledge (UPS/FedEx drop dates) and extra discounts. The vast majority of casual gamers and parents don’t have this inside track. So, you’re job is to develop that inside track fast.

Get to know the manager and assistant in particular. By being friendly, polite and empathetic you’ll get there in no time. Working in retail during Q4 is a crazy job. By empathizing with their job duties and even offering food (buy them coffee at Starbucks or a pretzel) you’ll further your cause. The coffee thing works wonders – trust me! The trick is to find out what everyone wants and take an order. They won’t ever forget you. And that’s the whole point.

--->Step 3<---
Timing is Everything: UPS/FedEx Schedule is the Key

Once you’ve been to the store often enough that the staff knows your face and name, you can start digging with questions that pertain to your primary goal. Critically important things to ask include:

* What is the window of time that your UPS/FedEx guy shows up every day? (usually 11am-1pm, Monday-Saturday)
* Does your system say if any Wiis are inbound right now? (GameStop and EB Games systems do)
* What is the approximate day your system says the Wiis are supposed to arrive?
* If I call you, will you hold one for me? (most GameStop and EB Games will)

Knowing the UPS schedule is how 99% of smart customers actually get a Wii outside of getting lucky. If the UPS truck arrives daily at 12:30, and you’re there at noon, you’re golden. Once you know the delivery patterns of your selected stores, make it a habit to show up right before the truck. If you can get some other questions answered (like expected Wii inbound timing) you can get your Wii in less than a few days. Ask a lot of specific questions, and be extra friendly. It always pays off.

--->Wii Finding Tools Online<---

Internet search tools are useful, but often don’t update frequently enough. However, some claim they work. I’ve had no personal success with these sites, but if they’re free they can’t hurt. I’d use these in combination with our 3 steps described above.

Take a look at:
http://wiitracker.com/
http://www.wiisearcher.com/

--->Sunday Newspaper Ads<---

Stores will not advertise the Nintendo Wii in their Sunday flyers unless they’re going to be on the shelves first thing Sunday morning. This is common retail practice to avoid angry customers claiming the “bait and switch.” Buy the Sunday paper on Saturday afternoon and peruse the ads.

Find the store that has the Wii most prominently advertised and get there before they open on Sunday morning. There seems to be a 50/50 shot of this method working. Our Editor-in-Chief, DJ Twan, got his Wii this way in December '06. So what’s the bottom line? You’re going to need some chutzpah and a lot of patience. But believe us, it’s worth it. Just read our Mario Galaxy review if you have any doubts. Best of luck and happy hunting!

The pre-hype marketing train on Street Fighter 2 Turbo HD has been handled in a unique way. Instead of sending of massive amounts of info to the big sites, they've only posted new information on the SF2 HD blog. Whether you're into Street Fighter or not, you can't deny these screenshots are beautiful. The simplicity of 2D artwork combined with the crispness of high def brings out the nerd lust, big time. This is unquestionably a launch day purchase. But the biggest question remains: Will Capcom be setting a precedent with this title that other publishers will follow?

Even though the hardcore fanbase for Street Fighter is rampant, I'm willing to bet there is a much larger audience for this than even Capcom has imagined. Just take a look at the sales of the network-enabled Street Fighter 2 Turbo that released last year on Xbox Live. For quite some time, it was on the top 3 for purchased titles on the Live Arcade. It's probably safe to bet the newly upgraded HD version of the same title will garner similar interest from old and new fans. Fanboys around the net have argued over the Udon Comics remastered artwork, but the overwhelming response has been positive. The trend that will be set here is clear.

Fans want high definition remakes of their favorite titles from gaming's past.

Today, Racketboy posted a brilliant image of Sonic the Hedgehog 2, photoshopped and re-drawn to appear as an HD image. The general love for this singular shot has propelled it to Digg's coveted top stories section. Take a look at the comments if you don't think there is a lot of pent up demand being created here.

In large part, this shouldn't come as a shock to anyone. After all, the HD television market has exploded and the 25-35 age bracket has embraced the technology like no other demographic. This exact same age group is largely responsible for the video game boom that saw sales jump 73% in October alone. At some point, the industry won't be able to ignore the demand for additional HD content. And, as AAA titles require huge budgets and aren't ever guaranteed to be profitable, executives will be forced to turn to past franchises for quick, reliable cash flow.



Remakes of 2D classics in high definition will not only provide quick, reliable cash flow to fund big projects, but could reinvigorate dormant franchises. Dream a little dream with me for a moment, and imagine a Battletoads HD remake. Rare still owns this IP, and has had little luck with some of their recent outings sales wise. Hypothetically, they could take the original Battletoads game, redo the sprites, add online co-op, keep the gameplay identical,enhance the resolution and add achievment points. The lead time on this type of project is much shorter than a full fledged 3D remake, and could easily help gauge the public's interest in the Battletoads franchise. If the remake on XB Live was successful, the IP might be able to make a full comeback. Eveyone is happy: the company makes some money, the fanboys are subdued and the executive can create "new" IP with little risk to the bottom line. In the end, the world is at peace.

Capcom clearly has figured this out. Did you see the Street Fighter 4 trailer hits tomorrow? That's not a coincidence. First you release the HD remake, then you release the full sequel. It's only a matter of time before everyone else takes notice.

Many thanks to those that attended the first ever meeting of the Chicago Gamers Club. Rain, sleet and snow are no match for the determined Chicago Gamer. Celtic Crown, our host location, was nice enough to put $3 personal pitchers and 25 cent wings on special. Combine that with some great company, and you've got our first ever meeting rundown. Details after the jump...



I want to send a personal thanks to all the Chicago guys that did actually make it out on Saturday. Some of you had to cancel, and my heart is truly broken. I have the luxury of not only having a car, but an Earth killer...er, I mean Jeep Grand Cherokee. A few of our new members braved the smog brown CTA buses while avoiding falling ice. Bless all of you, you truly are founding member material.

CGC Trade Tracker

We were able to go over quite a few details and discuss a lot of the ideas we've been talking about, including our new Trade Tracker program for active members. All members that came to the first meeting are now eligible to participate and fill out their CGC Trade Tracker. This program will allow us to trade just like when we were kids but maintain adult-level checks and balances. I'll be posting everyone's trackers next to their profile under Active Members. Click on the CGC Trade Tracker link for full details on the program.

For those that are curious, the rules in place here are all from Meeting #1. Please take the time to read the rules, download the file, type in the games you own and send the file back to me. The sooner we have updated trackers available for all CGC members, the sooner we'll be getting new games to play through the system. Send all questions or concerns about the program to blatt@chicagogamersclub.com.

CGC Promo Flyer

DJ-Twan will be sending out the first CGC Flyer that you can bring to work, school or post in your neighborhood businesses next week. This flyer is going to help more Chicago Gamers to find us, so it's crucial everyone participates in distributing it anywhere they can. We'll have a color and black & white version that is copier friendly.

Your Articles, Your Reviews, Your CGC

CGC Members that attended Meeting #1 are entitled to post new stories and reviews on the official site. Please email DJTwan@chicagogamersclub.com for more details on how you can become a contributing member. We have a reserved number of slots -- this is on a first come, first serve basis, so start writing now!

Discussion Recap

I'm beyond obsessed with Mass Effect, and explained to the group that my 360 is likely dying. I've had 10 dirty disc errors in the past week alone. The red ring 'o death has got to be on my doorstep at this point. I'm crying inside a little bit...this IS my second box. At what point do I stop replacing them? Eh, whatever, Microsoft is paying for it. And if they weren't I'd still replace it. I'm a real sucker.

DJ Twan just posted his outstanding review of Mario Galaxy that he promised us on Saturday. Most gaming reviews read like they were written by a 4th grader. Since we're adults, and DJ Twan is a professional writer, we can read things written by adults for adults. Does that make sense? Maybe not, but it's a damn fine review. He'll be posting the full CGC Review Guidelines in the next couple of days. Suffice it to say, we had a breakthrough idea come from new member Dave. I promise you, there is no "Gertsmann Gate" even possible with this concept. One through 100 scales are just part of gaming's past, and we just don't want to move on. Classic three-reviewer EGM, IGN and 1up are clearly controversy inducing. Have you even read NeoGAF lately? Hell, even EGM isn't EGM anymore. I think we've proven that by now, no doubt.

Keep your eyes out for all kinds of good articles too. My brain is running a mile a minute, and I've got a wife to attend to. My 360 is dead after all, right?

Mario is a cultural icon that transcends the limited scope of video games. One would be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn’t at least recognize the mustached plumber. With that in mind, to state that each new addition to the franchise has a lofty standard to live up to is an incredible understatement, which leads us to the all important question: Is Super Mario Galaxy the game fans have been waiting for? Read on to find out but be warned, I’m 101 power stars in and there are sure to be spoilers. This is Super Mario Galaxy masticated, digested and metabolized. You’re about to enter the no-hype zone.

Despite the grandiose spectacle of Bowser and his fleet of airships ripping the Princess’ castle from the surface of the Mushroom Kingdom and spiriting it away to the center of the universe, Super Mario Galaxy retreads the same Bowser kidnaps Princess Peach and Mario saves her formula used since the very first game. Sure, Nintendo added a few new characters, but don’t expect the Pulitzer nomination committee to be calling anytime soon. Regardless, stranding Mario on a powered down space station (which serves as the hub world in this game) does provide the backdrop to completely shatter the logical limits dictated by any prior games in the series. This isn’t your granddaddy’s Mushroom Kingdom and, in fact, isn’t even the Mushroom Kingdom at all. This time around, Mario has to explore unusual galaxies that are vastly different from the Mushroom Kingdom fans know and love. While this does give the game a slightly disjointed and random feel, it does allow the developers to go wild with some of the galaxy concepts. The flip side is, it provides for extremely varied gameplay to keep you from getting bored. By suspending traditional "Mario" logic, the developers were free to return to the whimsical-style of level design present in the first three entries to the series. Why is that platform just floating there for no reason with nothing to suspend it? No need to analyze it, just jump to it before you die.

Though the Mushroom Kingdom may be light years away, all of the typical Mario locals are represented (grassland, desert, snow, lava, underwater, haunted house, etc.). However, the designers did take quite a few liberties, particularly with some of the single-power star Mini-Galaxies. With few exceptions, these wacky galaxies are some of the most creative and interesting levels in the game. For example, in the Hurry Scurry Galaxy, Mario must collect musical notes (which combine to play classic Mario tunes as you gather them) on a small metal satellite composed of panels that shrink and disappear the moment you touch them. In the Loopdeloop and Loopdeswoop galaxies, Mario surfs through ridiculously twisted water slides on the back of a giant stingray in a race against the clock. In the Sweet Sweet Galaxy, Mario runs through a bizarre obstacle course composed of candy and cake that requires some impressive and nimble leaps to nab the power star. While these Mini-Galaxies are certainly a highlight of the game, by no means do the regular levels leave you wanting. Galaxy’s levels run the gamut from the typical Mario locales to planet hopping odysseys where you’re required to perform tasks such as taking down an enormous mechanical Bowser toy or infiltrating a heavily armed warship as it idles through space. Most importantly, the developers were careful so as not to overuse clever level mechanics, preventing that I’ve already played this level too many times feeling. Then, just when you think you know a level inside and out, comets appear in orbit around the various galaxies, imposing such challenges as racing against a cosmic Mario doppelgänger or completing a specific level (or portion of a level) without taking any damage.

From the technical side Super Mario Galaxy proves that, despite lacking the technological horsepower of the Xbox 360 or the PS3, talented artistry can perform wonders with the Wii hardware. Granted, the tech-dork inside of me still wonders what Mario would look like flattening Goombas in high definition, but I cannot deny how beautiful Galaxy is visually. From the shimmering surface of the water to the sleek metallic curves of a satellite floating through space, every aspect of Mario’s world is stunning—in its own weird and illogical way. The lighting effects are particularly impressive, as each galaxy overflows with interesting objects emanating that hazy luminescence necessary to achieve a truly outer space feel. Whether Mario rockets to safety past an erupting volcano or uses homing Bullet Bills to take down a huge armored robot the size of a small moon, the explosions are big, bright and frequent. Moreover, the attention to detail is, at times, astonishing. From the chubby, child-like Lumas blinking with their beady little eyes to the behemoth bosses stomping around tiny planets obviously not intended for residents of their girth, every inhabitant of this odd universe has a lot of character. One can’t help but smile when Bowser, Jr. first appears sporting a handkerchief tied over his mouth, bandit-style, with a set of vicious teeth painted on it to cover his toothless infant mouth. Hey, when you’re Bowser’s son, you have unusually high standards to live up to. On that note, Bowser is easily one of the most impressive characters, both from a visual standpoint and because, for the first time ever, he truly looks sinister—no small feat when considering the cartoon-like nature of Mario’s world. The moment he makes his first appearance, Bowser is the fire-breathing, plumber-stomping, regal jackass you want him to be.

It is very clear from my time spent with Super Mario Galaxy that the developers understood the inherent strengths and limitations of the system and used this knowledge to create a technically sound and virtually flawless game engine. Galaxy consistently runs at 60 frames per second regardless of the on-screen action, which is impressive and necessary, as some of the quick jumps required in the later levels would be nearly impossible with any sort of slowdown. Considering that Mario spends a lot of his time planet hopping, soaring back and forth between the stars, I expected pop-in to occasionally rear its ugly head. To my delight, however, the draw distance is impressive and pop-in is almost non-existent. In fact, the only instance of pop-in I experienced occurred as I fell into the black hole situated in the middle of a galaxy following a missed jump. It must be said however, that I fell a long distance from the level’s playing field before the pop-in occurred. Textures are crisp, highly detailed and bring the different galaxies to life. Metal surfaces gleam with highly polished sheen, lava sizzles and oozes with a menacing glow and grasslands look satisfyingly organic.

Even from its humble beginnings (what Mario fan can’t hum the World 1-1 tune from Super Mario Bros.?), the music in Mario games has always been simple, but catchy. Galaxy is no exception. Longtime fans are treated to a varied mix of new and classic tunes, all with an oddly “galactic” twist to them. The sound effects, while certainly not revolutionary, serve their purpose without being intrusive or annoying. The coos and gurgles of the Lumas you encounter are cute without being overtly sickening while the excited (yet slightly grating) murmurs and groans from your team of interplanetary Toadstool explorers work for the characters. Once again though, Bowser takes center stage, as he communicates in a dialect composed solely of grunts and roars that matches his sinister image perfectly. Last but not least, Mario still features the little quips and grunts that (no offense to Charles Martinet) I’ve always found moderately irritating.

The controls are intuitive and comfortable from the moment you pick them up. Regardless of the terrain, Mario handles exactly as you would expect. I’ve never personally been a fan of the ice and snow levels, as the slippery surface mechanic seems to be an artificial way to increase the difficulty level. However, this time around, with a quick flick of the Wii remote, Mario has the ability to skate across icy surfaces with ease. The few abilities that do require movement of the Wii remote (most notably Mario’s spin attack) feel natural and responsive. At times, the slight delay between consecutive spins can be annoying but it certainly doesn’t hamper gameplay. If anything, I applaud the developers for keeping the motion controls to a minimum, as opposed to tacking them on wherever possible (I’m looking at you Super Paper Mario). A few of the control schemes have a slightly steeper learning curve, particularly in the levels where Mario finds himself riding on top of a giant ball. These levels require you to hold the Wii remote vertically and tilt it in the direction you wish to move. While this is actually an effective and creative approximation of balancing on top of a sphere, it does take a little practice to master. Although you’ll never be able to turn on a dime, over time you will comfortably roll Mario around and through obstacles. Without question, the worst control scheme definitely belongs to Mario’s Spring power-up, fittingly put to use in the Toy Time Galaxy. However, in Nintendo’s defense, would you really expect a chubby plumber wrapped in a spring to handle like a Porsche? Again, with a little practice, the quirks to navigating these levels eventually becomes more natural.

I must admit I was a bit apprehensive upon learning that, as opposed to complete camera control, players are limited to being able to re-center the camera behind Mario with a push of the C-button. However, the in game camera works well for the most part, with the exception of a few instances where it moderately hindered play, all of which were underwater portions of the game.

So what’s the bottom line? Super Mario Galaxy is an unequivocal return to the core gameplay that made Super Mario Bros. an instant classic: challenging platform hopping. This factor alone makes Super Mario Galaxy a certified must buy for any Wii owner. Super Mario Galaxy is heir to the throne and successfully washes the mediocre taste from your mouth left by Super Mario Sunshine. Is Super Mario Galaxy in league with the hallowed Super Mario 64? No, it’s bigger, better and sits in a league of its own. To confirm my initial impressions, it is the Super Mario Bros. 3 of the 3D generation.

The Good:
- Mario returns to challenging platforming roots.
- Stunning visual presentation.
- Extremely varied and unusual levels.
- Just plain fun.

The Bad:
- Variety in levels gives game a bit of a disjointed feel.
- A few of the alternate control mechanics take some time to master.
- Lack of complete camera control can be moderately annoying at times (specifically underwater).

The Ugly:
- Absolutely nothing.

Final Grade: A