San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom recently announced a proposal to apply a "yet-to-be-defined surcharge on all drinks with high-fructose corn syrup." Astonishingly, the American Beverage Association ("ABA") is up in arms over the proposal...and fingering video games as the true culprit.

Kevin Keane, a soda-swilling senior vice president of the ABA stated in response to Mayor Newsom's proposal that, "[i]t makes no sense to single out any one single cause of obesity, which is a complex problem," after which he promptly singled out video games as the true mastermind behind the childhood obesity epidemic. Keane suggested that if Mayor Newsom really wanted to combat the childhood obesity dilemma, he should take on the video game industry which renders children slack-jawed and sedentary when they could "be outside burning calories."*** After which they should kick back, relax and rejuvenate themselves with a cold diet soda, am I right?

Besides, the myth that video games perpetuate a flabby physique is just that, a myth. I'm an avid video game player and, contrary to Mr. Keane's assertions, I am a model of physical fitness who exercises regularly. For example, because I spend so much time playing shmups, my thumbs are freaking ripped.

If I may, I would like to advance an additional theory on this topic. Maybe, just maybe, children are playing video games to excess because their sleep cycles have been thrown into chaos as a direct result of all the caffeine in their systems...from ingesting too much soda. All things considered, I do agree with Mr. Keane in his assertion that childhood obesity is a "complex problem" resulting from a multitude of factors. As such and in furtherance of the truth, the Chicago Gamers Club would like to offer the following list of [non-video game related] factors that may contribute to childhood obesity:

1. Coke.

2. Pepsi.

3. Dr. Pepper.

4. Mountain Dew.

5. Diet Coke.

6. Diet Pepsi.

7. Diet Dr. Pepper.

8. Diet Mountain Dew.

9. Any beverage bearing the likeness of a Disney, Dreamworks, Pixar, Nickelodean (or other) animated character or that uses the term "Extreme" or any variant (i.e., X-treme, etc.) in its marketing campaign.

10. Any beverage not derived from natural sources (i.e., blueberries, etc.) that is blue.

***[Note]: To date, I have been unable to track down the full text of Mr. Keane's response on behalf of the ABA online. If anyone can provide me with a link, it would be greatly appreciated.